Paramedic

I keep coming to work and care for others because it is what I do. I don’t know how to not do that. My family has made offers to help me financially so I could avoid this mess. But, I am not able to do that. I have turned my son over to his Dad over a month ago and made other unimaginable choices in my life, all because I don’t know how not to care and do my job. I also do it because there is this really hot nurse at Hurley and sometimes when I bring him a patient, that is the only time I get to see his face making it is totally worth it.

Everyday, I wake up and tell myself “just get through today, it is all you have to do”. It’s not motivating. It’s not inspirational. It’s just enough to get me moving. The rest kind of falls into place, until I start the next day. My real joy and what makes me happy, is my kid. We chat almost daily via Facetime and I look forward to knowing it will be safe to bring him back home one day (hopefully soon). I feel good that I am able to protect my kid, even at the expense of my own happiness. It is the worst and best thing a parent could ever do. There was very little discussion and very little hesitation, his dad & I worked together and I know my kid is safe. That makes me feel good.